An Open Letter to My Neighbor
Dear Ms. Agoraphobic,
I know that we don't really get along, although you've never given me the chance to prove what an annoying twit I am. I've gotten past the refusing to make eye contact, the waiting in your car until you know we are inside our apartment and the weird desire for absolute silence at all times, including 4.30 on a Friday afternoon. However, this practice of yours of stomping up the stairs and throwing whatever you are holding down on the landing while you unlock your door has got to stop. Whatever it was that you just slammed down made my apartment shake. There is no need for that. Aside from the fact that you nearly gave me a heart ache with the movement and the noise, Fish freaks out. He's very sensitive to his bowl being disturbed and unfortunately the only good place that we have to put him is near the door. However, he's happy there. Except for when you're a jerk and make his bowl upset.
There is no love here for you.
TheBon
It should be noted that neither TheBoy or I have ever done anything unkind to this neighbor. She was doing laundry the day I moved in, I smiled, and she looked the other direction. I said hello to her a few times, but have long since given up since she seems to be afraid of other people. Even the apartment manager says she complains about everyone, mostly without reason. So, totally not me.
An Open Letter to ODOT
Dear ODOT,
I know that the city of Eugene is spending something like 13million dollars to take out a perfectly good and important lane of traffic on Franklin in order to decrease the bus trip from Eugene Station to Springfield Station by a whopping 4 minutes. I appreciate that people could better spend those 4 minutes a day watching their stories. I really do.
I also know that you approved this idea. You had to have in order for the road crews to have been out working and for the road to be all torn up for months. Now that it's almost done in the part right around campus, I was relieved. You see, something like a bajillion students are going to descend on campus on Monday. And on Wednesday night, you went in and started resurfacing the most direct route to campus from I-5 north. So, there are fewer lanes of traffic to accomodate all that extra traffic. And then today, this morning, you diverted us from turning into the University the only way that most of these travelers would know how. Luckily, it's not a very difficult diversion but one would think that you would try to avoid confusing thousands of drivers by making them make a weird and random u around a currently blockaded parking lot. You couldn't have worse timing if you tried [which of course you don't since things rarely ever happen on schedule, you first talk about them for decades before doing anything.]
No love today,
TheBon
Open Letter to MARKLASER
Dear MARKLASER,
I know I gave you a stupid name, but it needed to be descriptive of where you live and how you work. I didn't want to call you Phaser7400DN even though that is your given name because quite frankly, that's too much. Too many numbers mixed in with the letters. I know that I was silly to think that my temporary fix of installing you with your non-static IP address until I got the static IP from NetworkGuy was anything but a futile plan. But I needed the instant gratification of printing to you, instead of having to transfer my file to another computer and print to the printer down the hall. You worked so well then that I thought I had gotten away with something. However, now that I have reinstalled you with your proper, static, permanent IP address [which matches that which you wear proudly emblazoned on your digital screen] you are behaving like a complete and total dick. You refuse to talk to my computer and have frozen me out. Why do you have to be like that? What did I do to make you so angry that you refuse to print, instead sending my jobs back at me with a glaring "communication error"? You may resent that I had to delete you. I apologize. I'd like to be friends. Please.
Love,
TheBon