Dear eMac,
   
Firstly, I hate that you are a mac.  There is no way of reconciling how much I dislike you for the convoluted processes I must go through in order to do things.  

Secondly, you are old.  You were purchased because you were cheap, and because my boss has a soft spot in her heart for you. I have no such soft spot where you are concerned.

Thirdly, I know I am asking a lot of you with my current files.  However, your continual protests in the form of locking up and eating my work are simply not acceptable.  You are not that old, although you are that slow.  The eating of my capabilities to nudge items in illustrator was a dirty trick, however.

Fourthly (?), I do not believe a truce can be drawn in this matter, although if you start to play nice, perhaps I will consider a bargain.

No love for you,
TheBon