Cathartic Ink

putting my own spin on things

if i leave you it doesn’t mean i love you any less

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Lately several of my conversations with friends here at NDSU
have turned to thoughts of leaving. I’ll be moving very shortly after graduation, as in, that afternoon or the next
day, and I’m going halfway across the country. This doesn’t panic me nearly as much as it did the first time I did it,
five years ago when I came here.

The other night my friend Nick and I were sitting downstairs after a
latenight walk around campus (I’m going to miss those) and we, completely out of the blue, started reminiscing. I have
so much to be thankful for that he is a part of my life. I gave him a huge hug and told him I owed him one for
everything he’s done for me in the past 4 years that I’ve known him and his simple answer was “no, you don’t.” I
could’ve cried.

Last night I was talking to my friend Jeri and I said I felt weird that there were only a
handful of people I felt the need to stay connected to…She says she feels the same way, and she’s even been here a
year longer than I have. It just seems weird that out of 5 years I’ve emerged with 4-6 friends that I really can’t
live without.

Later last night, I was talking to my friend Paul. Paul and Nick grew up together, which I
think is part of why I love the both of them so much. I feel sad to be leaving him, but we were also joking last night
that I was going to change my mind and stay here because i need to be close to you Paul, oh yes, I do…Then we
laughed a lot, because the statement that brought the creepy stalker statements about was how I would miss him but
couldn’t stay here just so I wouldn’t.

I’ve been listening to Warren Zevon’s Keep Me In Your Heart
this morning. It makes me sad, but in a good way. My sister LOVES Warren Zevon (and a mass of other musicians from
what she refers to as “the music of generation Dad”–who by the way, will be 51 in August) and I bought her a copy of
The Wind for Christmas, which she unselfishly let me listen to while I was working on my thesis. That song is so
poignant and so fitting for so many occasions…I think its made sadder for me by the knowledge that he put it last on
The Wind as his farewell song, because he recorded the album while he was dying…That’s sad stuff…

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