Nothing in Particular and Everything in Between
I
draw pretty pictures sometimes. I did this weekend. I find its good backup to have when I'm watching movies, because
my mind wanders anyway, depending on the film. Last night we ended up watching Where The Heart Is, which was cutesy
fluffiness, with the unlikely and slightly weird hero sweeping the beautiful woman into his arms at the end of the
film...Not something I'd ever watch again, and the highlight of it for me was some shots on the Bowdoin campus, that
being the closest I'll be to the state of Maine and home for another couple of months. I'm tired now, and tomorrow is
Monday and work from 9-1, I wonder if I can actually get some design work squeezed in between my Student Coordinator
poo...
Think I’m Going For a Walk Now Feel a Little Unsteady
Sorry for the lack of real update lately, there's been some excessive tumult in my family, which I will not be posting here for privacy reasons. I'm just not down with putting my complete soul out there on display online, even though I'm pretty sure I know everyone who's ever read this thing (but then, I could be very very wrong). At any rate, the tumult is on a need-to-know basis.
I had a happy discovery yesterday when I discovered that my toilet seat is not attached with heavy duty adhesive, but rather, with hidden bolts. Which means that on Monday Jessica and I will go on a quest for a toilet seat that not only consists of a seat, but *gasp* a lid, so I can keep the atomized toilet germs out of my apartment and off my toothbrush and such. Also, I'd really prefer to have that safeguard against dropping things into the toilet (again, I fear for my toothbrush).
Today I had my first lazy day in a month. I didn't shower until 3pm and didn't get dressed for being in public until 9pm, when I headed over to a visit another friend on campus and watch a movie. I spent the day catching up on my pro-practice reading and attempting to get ahead there, so I can focus on other homework, and doing some drawing.
My walk over to Dinan tonight was fantastic. It was warm and soft out, there were few people about, and the sounds of Stereophonics filled my ears. I really enjoy the time I spend with my headphones on, wandering about, particularly in
the evening and after dark, because things seem so much more mysterious and intriguing than in the daytime with the hustle and bustle.
I've been trying to force myself to really settle into my little pseudo-apartment. I finally unpacked the rest of my dishes and sorted through those, now there's some other areas that really need organizing and several boxes that still need unpacking actually. I think that my biggest block against getting settled is that the more settled I get the more attachment I build to this place and the harder that I will find it to leave in the spring. Anyway, I'm trying not to dwell on that, I'm just going to keep on, keepin' on, but this semester is already flying by. Some days I would like to slow time just a little bit, so that it doesn't feel like it is racing past me. And then I realize that as fast as it's going it is still my responsibility to enjoy it to its fullest, which is why I do think like walk slowly in the dark, wrapped in my music, smelling the air, and memorizing the place that has helped me grow for 4 years now...
On that note, I'm to sleep...To sleep perchance to dream, aye, there's
the rub for in that sleep of death what dreams may come...
Mad World
My brain is whirling at a million miles a minute, its been
a long monday, full of weird twists and turns. Nothing hugely off-kilter, I'm just off enough that it doesn't take a
lot to ruffle my feathers. Quite irritating to me, it is. Tomorrow will be better, because I have a nice warm bed
with soft purple sheets and a fuzzy navy blue blanket waiting for me tonight. I've got a meeting with one of my profs,
about thesis, hopefully he'll be able to help me fill in some of the gaps and give me some guidance...research in
earnest starts tomorrow night after english group...wow, this seems so huge to me of a sudden. so i'm gonna go sleep.
mmm...sleep.
Baby, Show Me What You Look Like Without Skin
So, thinking and I are not always friends. I think far too much, which leads to the third post in one day when I've barely
posted in the last month. How's that for regularity? I've been distancing myself from people lately...I barely spend
time with anyone outside of class other than Jessica right now, because I know we can survive separation, but everyone
else I've pushed to arm's length while hiding in my little studio apartment on the edge of campus, avoiding contact
with new people I might get attached to. Well, I was listening to Garden of Simple by Ani DiFranco and I
realized what I really really would like right now is to be able to say to people "baby, show me what you look like
without skin" (not literally obviously), and to be able to respond to people that say the same thing to me...Just
be...comfortable, and real, and not skiddish...To sit and talk for hours about things, and nothings, and life, and
death and everything. Who knows, I know I have this in some forms, its just that stress and homework take up so much
time for a lot of us that we don't get to sit and have those times. I'm going to work on that!
Joyful Girl
I just found out that my friend Dan
decided he's not volunteering to go to Iraq. A big part of me is glad because now someone that I love a lot won't be
over there in danger, but at the same time, someone that someone else loves a lot will be instead of him. So,
selfishly I'm happy. Unselfishly, I realize someone has to go, and its vaguely unfair that I get off the hook on
worrying about a soldier. If he had chosen to go, I would've supported him, but I would have worried and been
unhappy...So I guess that makes me selfish. I accept that.